


All Roads Lead Back to You

by TrisPrior111



Category: Benday, E.R.
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Post-Mark Greene's Death, Sort of AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 23:45:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3096986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrisPrior111/pseuds/TrisPrior111
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is there such a thing as second chances?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mend Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hello wonderful readers! I really wanted to read fanfiction about Corday and Benton because I think they are perfect for each other, but I couldn't find much so I decided to take matters into my own hands :) I also decided to create the fandom of Benday (the ship of Benton and Corday, if you couldn't figure that out) in the hopes that other people would start writing fic about them (hint, hint, wink, wink). This is tagged as "Sort of AU" because I changed a number of things including editing out Ella, Rachel, and Reese and having Peter and Cleo move to New York. Just to forewarn you, Elizabeth/Mark and Cordano shippers will probably not enjoy this fic very much, so if you fall into either of those categories, please don't hate XD Carol, Doug, Carter, and Abby are not major characters; they're just in one scene at the end. So...yeah! I think that's all. Hope you enjoy reading my story about Elizabeth and her beloved Peetah!! :) <3

Prologue:  
Elizabeth Corday stood impassively as person after person came up to her, offering their condolences for her husband’s death. Couples. What she and Mark had been. She appreciated everyone’s kind words, but none of it did anything to alleviate her grief or fill the aching hole in her heart.

Finally the only people left in the long string were Peter and Cleo. She saw him say something to her, and Cleo nodded and stayed where she was.

“Hey, you okay?” Peter said when he reached Elizabeth, gently touching her arm.

“Honestly, I’m not sure,” she chuckled dryly. “It’s so surreal with everybody coming up and asking me how I am and saying nice things about Mark like he’s gone. And, I mean, I know he’s gone, but it just doesn’t feel like he’s gone to me. You know, He’s left me with all of these things. There’s bills to pay, a closet full of his clothes, his sporting goods, I mean what am I supposed to do with all of this stuff? He’s just left me with all of this crap and it really pisses me off!”

Elizabeth sighed and put her face in her hands. When she began talking again, her voice was quiet.

“I’m so angry with him for leaving us. It’s just so unfair. I feel guilty, you know, I feel terrible for having these feelings. I mean, he’s dead. He didn’t want to die! Oh God, what’s the matter with me?”

She put her face in her hands again. Peter didn’t move to touch her, just waited patiently as she continued.

“It’s just not fair. It’s not bloody fair,” she muttered. 

“No, no, no, it’s not,” Peter shook his head.

“I’m not going to cry again,” Elizabeth said, fighting back tears. “I’ve done enough of that already.”

“I’m sorry,” she choked as Peter put his arm around her. She pressed her face into his chest. A sob escaped her and he ran a hand up and down her back.

“It’s alright,” he soothed, and planted a soft kiss in her hair. “It’s alright.”

He let go of her after a moment.

Elizabeth sighed. “Well, that’s that.”

They stood in silence until a voice from the hearse called, “Elizabeth, are you ready to go?”

“Yeah,” she replied, her voice still thick with tears.

“Thanks,” she said to Peter.

“Sure,” he responded, letting his hand linger on her back as she turned away from him to go. His heart clenched as he watched her put on the mask she always wore when facing the world. She was always so, so brave. Even when she didn’t have to be.

Chapter 1: 

A week later, Cleo had gone apartment hunting in New York, where she and Peter were going to move, and Peter decided to check on Elizabeth.

“Who is it?” he heard her voice from inside when he knocked. Her British lilt was devoid of its normal cheery tone. He immediately regretted not coming sooner.

“It’s Peter. Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

He opened the door and stepped inside her apartment. The kitchen counter was covered with bouquets of colorful flowers, untouched plates of food, and sympathy cards. Elizabeth was curled up on the couch in gray sweatpants and a white tank top, her chestnut curls pulled back into a bushy ponytail and a vacant look in her green eyes.

“Hey,” he said, sitting down next to her. She turned her body away from him, not able to stand the sympathetic look on his face.

“Elizabeth,” he said, touching her cheek, “look at me.” 

“No,” she said, her voice tense. “I’ve gotten this from everybody. All of this ‘I’m sorry’ crap. I’ve gotten it from everybody at the ER and I’m fed up with it and I certainly don’t need it from you!”

He took his hand away and set it in his lap. After a moment, she began crying softly.

“Oh, Elizabeth,” he said, tentatively putting his arm around her.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, desperately trying to wipe the tears from her eyes. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.”

She hiccupped, trying to hold back her sobs.

“It’s ok,” he pulled her into his lap and she cried harder.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, still valiantly trying to turn away from him. “I’m such a wreck. You really don’t have to do this. I don’t want you to see me like this. Please, Peter-”

“Shhh,” he said, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

She looked up into his eyes.

“Elizabeth. It’s okay to let go.”

She shook her head, her eyes welling up with a fresh batch of tears.

“I know you think you always have to keep everything inside of you,” he continued, “but it’s okay to let it out. You are so, so strong, Elizabeth. One of the strongest people I know. Just for right now, let go.”  
And in that moment, she did. She let go all of the grief she had been holding back since Mark’s death. Her body shook with sobs and Peter just held her close, stroking her hair until she had finally cried all of her tears.

“It’s alright, Elizabeth,” he whispered. “It’s alright.”

“It’s not, though,” she croaked, her voice hoarse from crying. “I’m never going to be alright again. Not without him.”

“You will be. You may not think so right now, but you will be, I promise,” he kissed her forehead. “It will be hard at first, but it will get better.”

“Do you really think so?”

“I know, Elizabeth. I’m not saying that you’re going to forget him. He will always be with you in your heart.”

“I hope you’re right,” she murmured.

He held her for a moment longer and then gently released her and walked over to the kitchen. He put the platters of food people had left her in tupperwares and put them in the refrigerator, and put the flowers in vases and filled them with water.

He sat back down next to her.

“Thank you, Peter,” she smiled slightly. “You really didn’t have to do that.”

“It was no trouble,” he replied.

They sat in silence for a moment and then he took a breath.

“Elizabeth,” he began, “I know that you’ve probably been overwhelmed by everyone coming here and giving you their sympathy. If you’re tired and you want me to leave, you know that you can just-”

“No,” she shook her head, her eyes going wide. “You’re right, I have been overwhelmed, but with you it’s different.” She reached out and touched his arm. “Please stay.”

“Of course. Of course I will,” Peter said, putting his arm around her. She nestled her head into his chest, grateful for the warmth he provided.

He suddenly became aware of how thin she was. She felt so insubstantial in his arms, as if she could fade away at any moment.

“When’s the last time you ate?”

“I don’t know, honestly. The day after the funeral, maybe?”

“Elizabeth!” he gasped. “You need to eat something.”

She shook her head furiously. “I don’t want to. Nothing sounds good.”

“How about soup? Does that sound bad? Soup and tea?”

“I suppose that doesn’t sound awful.”

“Alright then,” Peter said. “Soup and tea it is.”

He fixed two bowls of chicken noodle soup and two mugs of tea. They ate at the counter and then sat back down on the couch.

“Feel any better?”

“Yes,” she admitted. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

She sighed and leaned into him, feeling better than she had in months.

“Peter, thank you so much for this,” she said. “Really. It’s just been awful this past week and seeing you has been such a relief.”

“Glad I could help,” he smiled. “Look, Cleo’s trying to find an apartment in New York and I’m not working. I’m home all next week if you want to come and stay with me.”

“I keep forgetting that you’re moving,” she murmured.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I am. But we can still keep in touch.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do at work now. I don’t know how I can face everyone again,” she whispered.

“It’ll be okay, I promise. You’re taking time off. You can recover. But seriously, Elizabeth. You’re welcome to come over.”

“You don’t have anything to do?” she asked hesitantly.

“No,” he shook his head. “Nothing could be more important than you.”

“Alright,” she smiled. “The day after tomorrow, then?”

“That works just fine.”

They both got up and he hugged her tightly.

“Thank you so much. Goodbye, Peter.”

“Goodbye.”

********** 

She spent the next day organizing Mark’s things, paying bills, and cleaning the house. It felt great to actually be doing something instead of staring at the wall like she had been for the past week. The day after that, she read a book in the morning and then showered, put on a sweater and jeans, and packed some clothes to take to Peter’s. She was folding a sweatshirt when she heard a knock at the door.

“Who is it?” she called as she made her way to the front of the apartment.

“It’s me,” said a familiar voice.

Elizabeth resisted the urge to roll her eyes and opened the door.  
“Hey there, Lizzie! How are we doing?”

“Hello, Rocket,” she forced a smile. “I’m alright, thanks.”

She stepped aside to let him in.

He sniffed the air. “Still smells like him, doesn’t it?”

She felt tears sting her eyes. “Um, I really don’t want to talk about-”

But Robert wasn’t listening and he continued, “He sure was a trooper, wasn’t he?”

Elizabeth just stood still, willing her tears not to fall. This man really had no social skills.

“Fought hard until the end. It was such a shame he had to go.”

“Rocket, I appreciate you coming over and everything, but I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Right, right, I’m sorry,” he said, putting his hands on her shoulders. “I wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“Um, thanks,” she said, trying to step around him.

“Are we going somewhere?” he asked, gesturing to the bag she had packed in the doorway.

“Yeah, I’m going over to Peter’s,” she replied.

“Oh,” Robert said with a knowing smile and a wink. “I see.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes, taking a deep breath to compose herself.

“Robert, it’s not like that,” she said. “He’s just letting me stay with him while I recover from…this.”

He held up his hands. “Whatever you say, Lizzie. You guys have fun. Take care of yourself.”

He kissed her on the cheek and said goodbye.

Once he had gone, she just rolled her eyes, gathered her things, and left for Peter’s.

She knocked on his door and waited nervously, wringing her hands. What if he wasn’t there? What if Cleo had come home early? What if Cleo answered the door? She should just leave now, before-

“Elizabeth.”

She looked up to see him standing in the doorway of the apartment with open arms.

“Peter,” she whispered, and melted into his embrace.

He led her inside and closed the door.

“Are you doing okay?” he asked.

“Rocket came over,” she responded in answer to his question.

“I’m sorry,” Peter sighed. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

She shook her head. “He was a bit insensitive, but no, I’m fine.”

“Well, that’s good,” Peter said.

“Yeah,” she nodded, shrugging. “It could have been worse.”

“How have you been doing otherwise?”

“Alright, I guess. I managed to get most of Mark’s things organized.”

“Do you need any help?”

“No, no that’s okay. I’ve got it. You’ve done more than enough already.”

“Are you sure there isn’t anything else I can do?”

“Yes, Peter, really. Just getting out of the apartment has been wonderful. Everything there reminds me of him and it’s-oh, I’m sorry,” she choked as her voice began to get thick with tears.

“Hey, it’s alright,” he soothed, leading her over to the couch.

“I can feel his presence everywhere. Every morning when I wake up, I forget he’s gone. As silly as that sounds, it’s true. One morning, I actually made coffee and poured it into two mugs,” she sobbed, “before I remembered that he wasn’t there.”

He just held her and rubbed her back as she cried. When she had relaxed, they ate dinner and then settled back in with mugs of hot tea.

“Well, are you tired? Do you want to go to bed soon?” he asked her after their tea was gone and she had cried again, and was once more curled up in his arms.

“Yes and no.”

He raised his eyebrows, confused.

She laughed weakly. “Yes, I’m exhausted. No, I don’t want to go to bed. It takes me hours to fall asleep and then I have nightmares and lie awake for the rest of the night.”

“Oh, Elizabeth, I’m sorry. You look beyond exhausted, though. We can stay up and talk if you want, but really you seem tired. You should at least try to get some sleep.”

“Well, alright,” she smiled half-heartedly. “I’ll just stay here, then and you can go-”

He shook his head. “No, don’t be silly. You can sleep in my bed; I’ll sleep on the couch. Come on.”

He extended his hand to help her up, but she didn’t take it.

“Peter, I am not going to kick you out of your own bed! This is your apartment and you’ve done so much for me.”

“Elizabeth, it isn’t a big deal. I fall asleep out here half the time anyway when I watch television. I want you to get a good night’s sleep.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Let’s go.”

She reluctantly accepted his hand. He took her bag to the bedroom and she followed, thanking him, and said goodnight. Once he had left, she changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants, brushed her teeth, and climbed into bed. As soon as she closed her eyes, all she could see was Mark. Their first date, their first kiss, their wedding. Their new apartment with the ice machine and his proposal, their argument about the empty milk carton…it just went on and on.

She was sitting with him on the couch after a long day at work, drinking hot chocolate.  
She got up to clear their mugs.

“Elizabeth,” he said suddenly, looking alarmed.

“What is it, darling? What’s wrong?”

“Don’t look behind you.”

“W-why?” she felt fear flood her veins.

“Do you trust me?”

“Completely.”

“Then run.”

Without a second thought, she dropped the mugs, took Mark’s hand, and sprinted out of the house behind him into what seemed to be a long, dark tunnel.

“Where are we? What’s happening?” she cried, holding tightly onto his hand as they ran.

He didn’t respond.

“Mark? Please, I’m scared. Answer me.”

Still nothing.

“Mark?” her voice barely rose above a whisper.

She looked down at their joined hands.

And screamed.

A bony, pale, white skeleton hand was holding hers in a vise-like grip.

“Mark!” she cried. “Mark, please where are you? Mark, please help-”

She stopped speaking abruptly when she felt warm breath on the back of her neck.

Paralyzed with fear, she stood stock-still. 

Then she heard the sound of flapping wings by her ear. 

Bats. It had to be.

She felt teeth sink into her neck from three different places at once. 

She cried out in pain and crumpled to the stony ground…or what was supposed to be stony ground. It wasn’t supposed to be cushioned. And moving. 

Spiders. Thousands of them. They immediately covered her and she tried to scream but they were in her mouth. She couldn’t breathe. She was suffocating. She was going to die.

And then all at once, everything disappeared and she was lying in bed with Mark, morning sunlight streaming through the window.

“Honey, are you alright?” he asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” she said a bit hesitantly. “Just had a bad dream, that’s all.”

He didn’t reply, or even acknowledge that he had heard her. He just stared off into the distance.  
“Mark, darling, what’s wrong?”

“I’m dying, Elizabeth,” he looked up at her with sad eyes.

“No-no you’re not, don’t be silly.”

“Brain tumor, remember?”

That did sound familiar. She pushed the thought away.

“Mark,” she said sternly. “You are not going to die.”

“Can you save me?”

“Save you? I-no-I don’t know how to cure cancer!”

“Come on, Lizzie.”

Rocket was standing by the bed. When had he gotten there?

“Save him. You should be able to.”

“No, Rocket, you don’t understand.”

“Corday, what’s the matter with you?”

Carter.

“Why can’t you save him?”

Weaver.

“Elizabeth, he’s depending on you.”

Peter.

She was sobbing now, her head in her hands.

“Stop!” she cried. “Just everybody stop, please!”

“Save him!”

“Come on, what’s wrong with you?”

“You’re his only hope!”

“Elizabeth,” Peter’s voice became clear. “Elizabeth, can you hear me? Wake up! You need to wake up!”

She woke with a gasp, nearly choking on her tears. Almost immediately, a pair of warm, strong arms wrapped around her and pulled her close. She curled into Peter’s chest and he stroked her hair gently.  
“It’s alright, it’s alright. Go back to sleep.”

**********

When she woke up the next morning, she forgot where she was for a moment, but then remembered when she opened her eyes and saw Peter looking down at her fondly.

“Good morning,” he smiled.

“Good morning,” she replied, blushing slightly as she realized that she had been cuddling him in her sleep, her arm across his chest.

“Why are you…” she asked slowly, her brow furrowed in concentration as she tried to remember how he had ended up with her.

“Oh my God,” she put her head in her hands, realization dawning on her. “I am so sorry, Peter. I didn’t mean to wake you. Oh, this is so embarrassing. You probably think I’m a child now, crying because of bad dreams.”

“No, I don’t think that, Elizabeth,” he said gently. “Do you want to talk about your dreams?”  
She shook her head.

“Is there any way I can make it better?”

She just shook her head again.

“Well, did you sleep okay otherwise?”

“Yeah, actually. Better than I have in…I don’t know how long. Before Mark got sick, I guess.”  
“Good, I’m glad,” he smiled.

She hesitated a moment before adding, “Peter.”

“Yeah?”

“I really appreciate you coming in here and God knows I needed the comfort,” she paused a moment and took a breath, “but it just doesn’t feel right that we slept in the same bed when you have a girlfriend.”

“Oh shit, you’re right. I’m sorry,” he sighed.

“No, no, you don’t have to apologize. I’m just saying that-”

“No, I get it. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t, Peter. It’s fine, really. I just-”

“I understand.”

“Right.”

“Okay.”

“And Peter?”

“Hmmm?”

“Does Cleo know I’m here?”

He sighed.

“Peter,” she said sharply.

“Alright, no she doesn’t,” he admitted.

“You need to tell her.”

“Elizabeth, it’s really not necessary. You’ll be gone before she even gets back. It isn’t a big deal.”

“If it isn’t a big deal, why can’t you just tell her?”

“Because…” he sighed again, “I know that you and her don’t get along very well and-”

“You have to tell her, Peter,” she cut him off. “If she doesn’t want me with you, I shouldn’t be here.”

“Elizabeth-”

“Text her. Now. Or I’m leaving.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” he said, grabbing his phone and typing out a message.

“She said it’s alright,” he announced a moment later.

“Thank you,” Elizabeth smiled. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

He rolled his eyes.

“What do you want to do today?” he inquired.

“I dunno. Go out in the city somewhere, I guess. I’m tired of being cooped up in an apartment.”

“Alright…anywhere specific you want to go?”

“No, not really.”

“I have an idea, then.”

They got ready, grabbed breakfast and coffee at Starbucks, and drove across Chicago to the water. The bright lights and bustle of the miniature city came into focus in front of them.

“Navy Pier,” she grinned. “Are you serious?”

“Completely serious, Corday. You think you’re the only one who can think of fun things for us to do?” he said with a wink.

She laughed as she thought back to Halloween all that time ago when she had nagged him all day that he absolutely had to dress up.

“Come on, then.”

He opened the door for her and they walked out onto the pier. They had a great day riding the Ferris Wheel, eating junk food, and walking along the water. When they returned to his apartment late that night, she realized that she felt happier than she had since Mark had gotten sick.

“Thank you, Peter,” she said as they settled in on the couch with mugs of hot chocolate to watch television. “I had a really lovely time today.”

“So did I,” he smiled. “Kind of like old times.”

She smiled back, but it was a sad smile that reflected what they were both thinking. It could never be like “old times” between them; too much had changed. They had both fallen in love with other people and their lives had grown apart. She was grateful for the time they had together, even if it wasn’t going to last for long.

Within minutes, he saw her eyes closing and her head falling. She snapped awake, and then her head drooped again. Finally, she slumped to one side, her head resting on his shoulder and her glorious curls pillowing out beneath her. He smiled, kissing her hair softly and pulling a blanket up over her. He carefully lifted her off of him and slid a pillow next to her in his place. He sat down in the cushy chair next to the couch, not wanting to leave her.

He awoke in the middle of the night to her crying out.

“Stop! Please! I can’t do anything to help him. No! Just stop!”

He was by her side in an instant, stroking the hair off of her tear-stained face.

“Elizabeth,” he shook her gently. “Wake up. It’s okay. You’re dreaming.”

Her eyes flew open and she sat straight up, panicked. He held her down with his hands firmly on her shoulders.

“It’s okay,” he said. “You’re okay now.”

He sat down next to her and she curled up in his lap, still crying.

“You’re safe,” he rubbed her back.

“Oh, Peter,” she whispered. “It’s the same dream every night.”

She described it while he rocked her back and forth in his arms.

“Elizabeth,” he said quietly. “You know that you did all you could for him, don’t you?”

“Did I, though?” she said faintly.

“You took care of him as well as you could. No one, including him, expected you to be able to cure him. You know that.”

“Thanks,” she whispered. “I guess I just don’t quite believe it.”

“You have nothing to feel guilty about.”

He waited until her breathing fell into a steady rhythm before reluctantly sliding her off of him again, only trying to respect what she had said about not sleeping together.

He felt her hands clutch at his shirt as he got up and her wide green eyes looked into his.

“Please. Stay,” she whispered.

So he did.

**********

They settled into a routine in the next few days; coffee and breakfast, walking around the city during the day, and watching movies in the evening. She stopped having nightmares, but he still sat by her while she slept every night.

On one morning when it was nearing the end of the week, Elizabeth woke up to the front door opening.  
“Peter,” she whispered. “Who is it? Is Cleo home already?”

He swallowed nervously, getting up from the chair.

“Peter?” definitely Cleo’s voice.

Cleo entered the living room and stopped abruptly when she saw Elizabeth and Peter. Elizabeth took in the sight of Cleo’s shiny, straight brown hair, her smooth, coffee colored skin, and her perfectly tailored suit. Every inch of her appearance was seamlessly put together, right down to her glossy, pink lips and her plucked and penciled in eyebrows that were raised in mock-surprise.

“Did I interrupt something?” Cleo asked sweetly, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“No, Cleo wait-I can explain,” Peter said, walking towards her.

Elizabeth looked between them, confused; then her confusion turned to rage as she realized what had happened.

“Peter!” she cried, springing off the couch. “You told me she knew! You said she told you it was alright!”

“Elizabeth-”

“You know, Peter,” Cleo said furiously, ignoring them and grabbing her designer handbag off of the counter and turning on her heel to leave, “this was really low. I never thought you would do this. Not to us. We had a relationship. Does that mean anything to you? Do you know what the general definition of a relationship is? That the two people in that relationship are faithful to each other! Or did you think that didn’t apply to you?” She was screaming now. “You thought you could just go and fuck someone else and I wouldn’t even know about it? Well did you?”

“Cleo, no that’s not what happened! Please let me explain this to you.”

“I don’t want your fucking explanations!” she screeched. “They’re worthless to me! I can see everything I need to know!”

“Cleo,” Elizabeth said carefully as she approached them. 

Cleo glared at her. “What the hell do you want? You already fucked my boyfriend! What else do you want from me?”

“I want to talk to you in private,” Elizabeth said simply, not looking Peter in the eyes. “Please.”

Cleo stared at her for a moment, and then finally muttered her assent and followed her down the hallway.

“Look,” Elizabeth said once they had stepped into the bedroom and closed the door, “I know that we aren’t exactly friends and that you have no reason to believe me, but I promise you nothing happened. Peter was just taking care of me. I told him that I couldn’t be here if you didn’t want me to be, and he told me that he texted you and you said it was alright. I see now that I shouldn’t have believed him for a second, and I am so, so sorry.”

Cleo looked at her apprehensively, trying to see if she was telling the truth.

“Please, Cleo, you have to believe me. I am so sorry that this happened. And I don’t mean to be rude, but when you think about it, and I know that you don’t hold me in very high regards, but do you really think that I would get with someone else so quickly after my husband just died? Please, I don’t want this to come between you two and ruin your relationship.”

“Alright, I’m sorry, I believe you,” Cleo said quietly after a moment.

“Thank you,” Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief and picked up her bag, turning to go.

“Elizabeth.”

She turned around.

“You should know,” Cleo took a shaky breath, “that he never got over you.”

Elizabeth stared at her wide-eyed, opening and shutting her mouth and not knowing what to say.

“That’s why I hated you so much when I first came to County,” Cleo admitted. “He always talked about you, and I knew by the way he talked about you that he was still in love with you.”

“Cleo…I never thought…I had no idea,” Elizabeth bit her lip.

“I know,” Cleo said. Elizabeth could see tears forming in Cleo’s deep brown eyes and realized how much it pained her to say this. “That’s why I immediately assumed the worst earlier, but I know that he cares a lot about you and I know that he wanted to be there for you at a time like this. And I know you just lost your husband and it doesn’t change anything but I just…I thought you should know.”

Elizabeth’s mind was swirling with thoughts. Of course she would be lying if she said she had broken up with him for any other reason than fear of commitment. Of course she had hated Cleo because she was jealous, and of course she had never really gotten over him, either. But it was useless to think about that now; when she was grieving over her late husband and he and his girlfriend were moving away.

“Thank you for telling me,” Elizabeth said. “And I wish you two only the best in New York.”

“Thanks,” Cleo replied. “You take care, okay?”

“I will,” Elizabeth smiled.

Peter walked her out to her car in silence.

“What did Cleo say?” he asked finally.

“I told her what happened and she believed me.”

“Oh, thank God,” Peter said, relieved.

“You shouldn’t have lied,” she said quietly.

“I know,” he admitted, “and I’m sorry. It’s just-I know that she wouldn’t have been okay with it and I wanted to take care of you.”

“I know, Peter, and you’ve no idea how much that means to me. But do you see how unfair this was? To both Cleo and me? Do you see how you made her feel and how you made me look?”

“I didn’t think of that,” he sighed. “I really fucked this up, didn’t I?”

“Well, at least you acknowledge that,” she said. “But thank you for everything. And good luck in New York. To both of you.”

“Thanks,” he smiled. He felt his heart ache at how cold she was being to him, but knew that he deserved it.

“Take care of yourself,” he said, gently touching her arm.

“Thanks, I will,” she replied.

As she drove back to her apartment, she began to wonder if she would ever see him again. The thought made her sad because of everything that had gone unsaid between them, but she shook herself out of it, telling herself that nothing could have ever happened anyway.


	2. So Close

Four-and-a-half years later, Peter Benton was back in Chicago. It was a snowy Sunday morning in December and he was walking into Doc Magoo’s to get a coffee. He was looking for a place to sit when he spotted a familiar head of unruly chestnut curls perched at the counter. A grin spread across his face, and he made his way over to her.

“Elizabeth Corday,” he said as he sat down next to her. “What a lovely surprise.”

She nearly jumped out of her seat at the sight of him, but then regained her composure and replied, “Peter Benton. I can honestly say I never thought I’d see you again.”

“Well,” he said, “here I am.”

“Are you visiting?”

“No, actually, I’m moving back here.”

“Really?” she raised her eyebrows.

He nodded, ordering a cup of coffee from the waitress as she passed by.

“When you say ‘I’, do you mean you and Cleo, or…” she trailed off.

“Nope. Just me,” Peter said. “Cleo and I, uh, well, we broke up about a year ago.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. We agreed to end it because, well, we both knew our relationship wasn’t going anywhere.”

“I see,” Elizabeth said, becoming very interested in examining her coffee mug. “Are you seeing anyone now?”

“No. Are you?”

“No. I’ve been with a few men, but,” she shrugged, “none of it meant anything.”

He nodded. “Well, how’s everything at County?”

“Good, good, everyone’s good. They’ll be happy to see you.”

He smiled.

“You are going to work, aren’t you?”

“Yeah…I don’t know where, though. Not sure what I want to do.”

“Well, you’ll figure it out, I’m sure.”

“So how have you been?” he asked.

She waved her hand dismissively. “Oh, fine. I went back to England for a little while, but I found out that I don’t really belong there anymore.”

“So you’re staying here, then?”

“Yes. Chicago is my home now,” she said with a chuckle. “How was your time in New York?”

“Good enough,” he shrugged, “but I guess I realized the same thing you did; that I belong here.”

They spent the next two hours catching up on their lives and falling back into their easy rhythm of conversation.

“Well, I’d better be going,” she said when she checked her watch.

“Wow, we’ve been here longer than I thought!” he exclaimed, checking his as well.

“I’ll see you around,” she called as she opened the door.

“Hey, do you want to walk around and look at lights when you get off work tomorrow?”

“Sure!” she nodded. “That would be great! I get off around six. Does that work for you?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

**********

Elizabeth couldn’t sleep that night. No matter how hard she tried to think about beaches or Christmas trees, dogs or rainbows or the surgeries scheduled for the next day, her thoughts always ended up drifting back to Peter. She hadn’t forgotten what Cleo had told her all that time ago, about him still having feelings for her. She wasn’t sure if it was still true or not, and she wasn’t sure if she even wanted it to be. But she couldn’t seem to divert her mind anyplace else.

She was jittery with nerves when she walked out of the hospital the next day, searching the street for him.

“Elizabeth!” she heard him call from a cluster of trees across the street from County General.

She grinned and hurried over to him.

“Hello, Peter.”

“Hello,” he smiled. “Chilly out here, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is,” she replied, pulling her coat closer around her.

“Shall we?” he asked, holding out his arm.

Her smile widened as she took it, and they walked arm in arm down the icy sidewalk, admiring the Christmas lights and displays in shop windows.

She stopped suddenly in front of a colorful flyer in a frosty windowpane.

“Peter, look at this,” she said excitedly. “It’s a Christmas Ball!”

“I don’t dance,” he said immediately.

She clasped her hands to her chest and pleaded, “Please, Peter? It would be so much fun. I’m sure Carter and Abby would love to come with us and I can call Carol to see if she and Doug could join us as well. I told everyone you were back today, and Carter is dying to see you.”

“We can get together some other time. I. Can’t. Dance.”

She threw up her hands. “I can’t either! You don’t have to be good at it! Come on, please? Remember all of the fun we used to have when I made you do things you didn’t want to do?”

“Yes, I remember,” he sighed. “You really want to do this?”

“Yes!” she squealed.

“Alright,” he consented. “We’ll go.”

“Thank you!” she cried, throwing her arms around him. He hugged her back and smiled as he inhaled her familiar scent of vanilla and jasmine. He just wanted to stay holding her like this forever and never let go.

“Just as friends, of course,” she said quickly as they separated.

“Right. Of course,” he echoed.

They continued walking for a while, and then the first snowflakes started to fall. Icy wind whipped around them, and Elizabeth shivered. Peter wrapped his arm around her shoulders, keeping her close to him as they walked.

The snow started to fall more thickly, so that they could barely see what was in front of them.

“Shall we get a cab?” she asked as they made their way over to the side of the road.

“Yes, that would probably be best,” he replied, shielding his face from the snowfall.

Once they were inside the cab and out of the cold, she asked, “Do you want to come over to my flat? For drinks or something?”

“Yeah, I’d love to,” he smiled. “Just to find out what the ‘or something’ might entail.”

“Well,” she put on a seductive voice, inching closer to him, “what did you have in mind?”

They both laughed uncontrollably for the rest of the cab ride.

She hung their coats to dry and poured them both glasses of brandy before settling in next to him on the couch.

They talked and laughed about the “good old days” at the ER, drinking until the bottle of brandy was almost empty.

“Peter,” she said softly during a lull in the conversation.

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad you came back.”

“Me too,” he replied.

She suddenly noticed how close their faces were together, and the way he was staring at her so intensely. He reached out and brushed his finger across her lips. She leaned closer, shivers running down her spine.

“Elizabeth,” he whispered.

He closed the distance between them, and his lips had barely ghosted hers when her phone started ringing in her purse, breaking the moment.

“Sorry,” she said, getting up and avoiding his eyes. “I should probably see who that is.”

“I should get going anyway.”

“Right. Well, see you Christmas Eve!”

“Goodbye.”

“Bye, Peter.”

**********

He couldn’t stop thinking about their almost-kiss. It could have been the alcohol, but she hadn’t pulled away from him like he had feared she would. He wondered if he should tell her how he felt. He had been terrified that she wouldn’t feel the same, that she would push him away and their friendship would be ruined, but he felt more confident after that night.

Elizabeth was grateful for how much she had to work the next week, because it was time when her mind had to be completely focused on something other than Peter. Maybe he really did still have feelings for her, even after all this time. The thought consumed her mind, because she realized now that she still had feelings for him, too.

**********

Peter got to her apartment earlier than they had planned on Christmas Eve. When he knocked on the door, he heard her call, “Peter, is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“Hold on just a second!”

She opened the door a few seconds later with a fluffy white bath towel wrapped around her and her wet hair already starting to curl.

“Sorry,” she said as she let him in, “I didn’t mean to make this awkward, but I wasn’t expecting you here so early.”

“It’s alright, Corday. You know I’ve seen it all before,” he winked.

“Oh shut up, you,” she rolled her eyes. “Just make yourself comfortable. Everyone else should be here soon; just let me get ready and we can go. And you look quite dapper, by the way!” she called over her shoulder.

He looked down at his new tux and smiled.

She hurried back to the bedroom and he sat down on the couch.

Carter, Abby, Doug, and Carol arrived, and they exchanged joyful hugs and greetings with Peter.  
Carter was elated to see him and Peter couldn’t contain his happiness at seeing his old friend, hugging him tightly.

“So…” Carter said when they broke apart. “Are you and Elizabeth back together?”

“Oh, no, no,” Peter said quickly. “We’re just friends.”

“Oh, okay,” Carter said.

When Elizabeth walked into the room, Peter felt the air sweep out of his lungs.  
She was wearing a ball gown made of royal blue satin, gathered at the waist with a full skirt. Her hair was half pulled back and her face seemed to positively glow with happiness.

She greeted everyone and then they hailed cabs to go to the ball.

The building was beautifully decorated with white twinkle lights strung across the ceiling, red ribbons and evergreen boughs on the walls, and a large Christmas tree at one end of the room. There was also a stage with a live band and a bar serving holiday drinks.

The six friends had a great night drinking, dancing in a circle and going crazy to the fast songs, and pairing off for the slower ones.

Finally, the night was coming to a close. The band began playing one last slow song.

Peter held his hand out to Elizabeth. “May I have this dance?”

“Of course,” she smiled, taking it.

He bowed and she curtsied, and they began to dance. 

The song described everything they were feeling in that moment.

You're in my arms  
And all the world is calm  
The music playing on for only two  
So close together  
And when I'm with you  
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by  
Romantic dreams must die  
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew  
So close was waiting, waiting here with you  
And now forever I know  
All that I want is to hold you  
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end  
Almost believing this one's not pretend  
And now you're beside me and look how far we've come  
So far, we are, so close

Oh how could I face the faceless days  
If I should lose you now?  
We're so close  
To reaching that famous happy end  
Almost believing this one's not pretend  
Let's go on dreaming for we know we are  
So close  
So close  
And still so far

It felt as if they were the only ones on the dance floor. He spun her in and out of his arms with ease, and she ended up resting her head on his chest as she felt tears well up in her eyes, thinking about the words of the song. They were so close to having something she had only dreamed about, so close but still so far away. 

In the middle of the song, she was overcome with emotion and almost burst into tears, and quickly excused herself and ran over to a dark corner of the room, sobbing uncontrollably. A moment later, she felt a hand gently touch her arm. She didn’t look up.

“Elizabeth,” Carol’s voice. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” she said hastily. “I don’t know what’s the matter with me.”

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Carol blurted.

“Is it that obvious?” Elizabeth sighed.

“You were blushing in his arms when you danced just now,” Carol said.

“I was?” she raised her hands to her cheeks self-consciously. “Do you think he noticed?”

“Of course he did,” Carol replied, trying to suppress a laugh. “Could you not see the way he was looking at you?”

“Carol, please don’t,” Elizabeth put her face in her hands.

“He’s in love with you, too.”

“How can you know that?” Elizabeth whispered.

“The way he was looking at you, like I said! Everyone could see. You’d have to be blind not to notice it. Now tell him how you feel.”

Carol jerked her head forward to indicate that Peter was approaching them, and stepped away.  
“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, um, I’m alright.”

“You’re crying.”

“I know,” she desperately tried to wipe the tears from her face, and Peter placed his hands over hers, forcing her to look up at him.

He looked down at her tenderly and everything else around them disappeared. They both leaned forward and their lips met in a kiss that was full of every emotion that they had been holding back. He tasted like peppermint and home and safety. She let his arms slide around her waist, pulling her closer.  
“Oh, Peter,” she whispered when they finally pulled back.

“Elizabeth,” he said, gently tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear, “I love you. I never stopped loving you. When you came into the ER all those years ago, when we first met, you told me that you were my savior. Well you were, Elizabeth. In so many ways.”

“Peter, I love you too. I’m so sorry that for so many years I was too blind to see that you’re the one I’m meant to be with. I will always love you.”

They kissed again, while their friends stood around them smiling and cheering.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading and kudos and comments make me happy!!!! <3


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